Saturday, February 19, 2011

Women and multi-tasking - balancing your career, family and the house!


I am writing this blog on 'A perspective on the roles on Indian women' for a contest at Indus Ladies. 



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During my grad school, I once attended a presentation titled, “How to balance your career and family”. It was kind of a networking seminar for women. I distinctly remember one Chinese woman who stood up and asked a question, "when is the right time to have a kid when you are working?" To this, the presenter answered, “It’s all about priorities, and you need to figure out whats important to you at which point in your life”. At that time I really didn’t think too much about that question, but it surely got registered in my mind. These days, that question has come back to my mind.

I’m trying to find examples from my circle of friends and relatives who have truly ‘balanced’ their careers along with their family, especially after having their first child. I am yet to find someone who says, the right word is indeed ‘balance’. A few my friends told me, ‘sacrifice’, ‘compromise’ and ‘extreme hard work’ are more like the appropriate words when it comes to having a full-time job and having a baby. Don’t get me wrong, I truly think there is nothing more precious for a woman than having a baby. However, more often than not, it’s the women’s career that takes a side step during this change in ‘their’ life (the husband and wife). In my opinion, it’s alright if the woman wants to take a break and care for her child full-time, otherwise, it is absolutely important for the husband to ensure the so called ‘ balance’ is achieved by doing the ‘sacrifice’, compromise, and ‘extreme hard work’ also if he truly appreciates her career and being a Mom also. Hence, I do not agree that it’s about priorities, but believe it’s about having shared responsibilities.  

A woman can be a good author, an engineer, a scientist or a good doctor, but she HAS TO BE a good daughter, a good wife, of course a good mother and surely needs to look beautiful and well maintained most times. That’s what we see on TV and read in newspapers these days.  “I appreciate your success, and encourage your dreams, but hey, I hope you know how to cook” is what a typical Indian guy would ask his girlfriend, or his would be wife. She must have been a good student at school, must have been good at sports, or music or arts, but when she is ready to get married, she must know how to cook.  That’s what a good wife does. Along with all the gazillion activities she might be involved at school, she should have made sometime available to learn cooking. Or does cooking have to naturally come to her? What if she turns out to be a pathetic cook? How many guys out there are willing to cook and clean the home along with a full-time day job while also taking care of your kid? A woman may or may not have a career, but needs to look pretty and be a good cook. In my opinion, today’s women multitask than ever before, juggling so many things at one time! Luckily for me, my husband helps me out in the kitchen and is a good cook too!

Times have changed and today's woman is more independent to choose her career, her husband, and voice her opinion in matters of education, sports, and politics and in many other arenas of life. Many other women have established successful businesses in India and abroad. These days, parents give the same message for a boy or a girl (in many bigger cities) - follow your dream or your passion. They teach their girls to be independent and are told, ‘Sky’s the limit’. However, I think one important part of educating our kids, is to ensure the boys are taught to respect, show compassion and share the responsibilities of the house with the women in their life.


I tag the following people;


Swathi


Shanthi

Finger licking food

16 comments:

Suresh Iyer - Humanity is God said...

Your blog is positive. I loved your take on shared responsibilities.

cheers
suresh
Best Blog Winner of Indusladies for 2010,
Writers Guild of India short story contest winner

sridharaa said...

Hi..
its like hitting the nail on the head.. A very appropriate pick..Multi-tasking...of course Fully endorse your arguments.
Well written.
Cheers

thewalker said...

Excellent point!! I'd also like to add that media is partially responsible for brainwashing and flooding young minds with unrealistic and unjust expectations from women.With changing times,we need a shift in attitude towards women's role and responsibilities. When is the last time media (bollywood) emphasized women's contributions or widely discussed the challenges faced by women as mother, sister and daughter? Young minds should be trained to realize the complete big picture covering all the facets of women not just a glamorous girl friend/lover/wife.True change that deeply recognizes the contributions of women should be exercised in thought, word and ACTION!!

Medha said...

Clean n clear story of today's young mom's dilemma... weather to work or not? What if I take up a job? Will it be a struggle or will I get a helping hand? Answers are really hard to find! Very well written.

day_dreamer said...

Thanks so much for the lovely comments all. I'm sure this is a question which most young women will think at some stage in their lives....

Unknown said...

Very well written! It is all about shared responsibility.Priority for man as well as woman

Anonymous said...

Excellent.Very well said about modern womens life.

Unknown said...

I agree with you on the shared responsibilities and seriously believe that upbringing of boys should be changed and they should be taught to do domestic work and they should not grow up with the belief that household work is only meant for women....

swathi said...

You should watch the latest reality show on Star Plus, "Wife bina Life" I actually dont find it funny that none of the men in India know what responsibility means!

day_dreamer said...

In general, these days, there's more responsibilities for women than before in every category! Be it work to stay at par with others or get ahead of the game or managing the home.

@Rakhee, My husband was telling me the other day, that he has never entered the kitchen when he used to live in India for other than drinking water! However, when he moved out, and started to cook more - he actually realized he loves cooking. And yes, I think some type of domestic work to a level of self sufficiency should be taught to all men.

day_dreamer said...

@Swathi, I have seen that show. With that show, they are atleast attempting to show that most men living there don't enter the kitchen or don't care what happens at home at all!

Harsinismom said...

I stongly agree with your point that parents ought to teach our daughters to be independent and tell, ‘Sky’s the limit’ and sons to respect, show compassion and share the responsibilities of the house with the women in their life.

Very well written. Congrats for you blog being shortlisted as Top 10 entries for Women's Day Blog Contest 2011 in IL.

Anonymous said...

hi I loved your post and also the points you made. But even today the so-called educated women on the one side crib about how women are treated shabbily and on the other hand allow their sons to grow into rogues by simply defending them when they misbehave by saying boys will be boys and the like... As long as such mother do not wake up to what they are creating there will not be much change...

Unknown said...

Hi I totally agree with your positive approach but...I could say the percenage of sharing men is very very less in our society may be outside India... :) and again I want to appreciate another point
Yes its in the hands of Women to teach boys to respect others equally be it a man or woman and should not encourage their male Ego which is a genetic...So again Women can change the society by nurturing future so called Good Men

day_dreamer said...

@Harsinimom - thankyou for stopping by and posting your comment :)

@Anonymous reader - I completely agree with you and that's why I say that we as mothers need to educate our boys to show respect for women and basically emphasize values of equality and the concept of 'shared responsibilities in a household.

@Archana, As I 've written in one of my previous comments,my husband never entered his kitchen when he lived in India, but now since moving out he loves to cook and shares his responsibility of domestic chores around the house. And yes the point is women as a mother definately can instill this concept of 'shared domestic responsibility' to her children.

Women Career said...

On this case, Time management is always important for you to achieved your goals.

Women Career